Categories: Gettin The Mind Right

Get Rid of "Should"

Happy Monday!

Expectations can either be your strongest ally or worst enemy.

To achieve anything of high significance, you must have a strong belief that it will happen.

However too often we have expectations that don’t map our behaviors or which set us up for failure. We confuse how we want things to be or how things should be, with how things are.

I used to make this mistake all the time. It’s a lot less now that I am more aware of my tendencies, but I’ll often have a thought in my head that doesn’t map to reality and end up frustrated.

For example, I’ll have a list of 15 things I want to do daily but are just not practical in the limited time I have. What helped me understand that was by resuming using a daily planner (don’t ask me why I stopped). When I entered in all my daily obligations and could visibly see my limited free time, it allowed me to better map my expectations as to what was doable.

By using a daily planner, I actually end up getting more done because I am prioritizing bigger issues first. Best of all, I don’t face the let-down of unrealistic expectations…and that’s extremely freeing.

What I’ve come to realize is there is no such thing as how things should be. The very idea itself is failed because it implies we have control of all things. We don’t. We only have control of what we allow to stay on top of our mind and our actions.

Going one step deeper, there is no ‘how you should be’ – there’s only how you ARE.

This is something else that used to really pain me and still does from time to time.

For instance, I’d be speaking on stage to hundreds of people or creating an article/video/podcast/social media post that would go out to thousands of people about taking control of your mind—yet there were times I’d struggle with that very thing. And that used to bother me very much.

I used to question how I could have these negative thoughts or why I was feeling negative emotions.

I had the illusion that I should always be happy…but I now know that is just not possible.

Happiness is an emotion you experience when your values and life circumstances align. But like every other emotion, it’s fleeting.

I used to be angry/sad/anxious/fearful/jealous; then judge myself for having that very emotion…

The surest way not to be happy is to chase happiness and resist any “negative” emotion.

There is no one way life “should” be – it’s what you make it.

There is no one way you “should” be – you just ARE.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel.

Embrace your core self, but always strive to constantly grow.

Rather than resist what you feel, question it. Why does XYZ bother me?

 

I’ve learned we are like onions. As we peel away layers of doubt/insecurities, new challenges emerge. However as we peel away each outermost layer, we grow thicker at our core and have a greater ability to with stand bigger challenges

  • What expectations for how things “should” be do you need to drop?
  • Are you thinking YOU should be a certain way?

Spend some time thinking about these questions. The mere awareness will make you feel better.

I’m super excited for our upcoming Immersion Weekend! We will take a deeper dive into this stuff and eliminate unneeded stress and suffering from our lives.  And by the way, we have a few openings left! Give yourself the gift of a life-changing experience–let us know ASAP!

#meltmonday
#meltmindset

JC

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